$150 Million Ad Investment Pays Off As First Person Downloads ‘Raid: Shadow Legends’

CALDWELL, NJ — Plarium Games employees celebrated today, three years after its release, and at a cost of $150 million in advertising, the first voluntary, unsponsored download of 2018 Raid: Legends of Shadow occurred.

“Look, I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that we thought it would take almost four years,” said Mason Grimble, president of Plarium Games. “But nonetheless, we can finally begin our roadmap for the future and hopefully continue to recruit a new fan or two along the way. I think everyone will soon realize that our gritty, repetitive, lifeless, boring, insulting, bland, hack ‘n’ slash game is the exact type of thing that deserves its time in this era with more options of game than ever. For real.”

The player, identified in the media as Dennis Walker, a 17-year-old high school student from nearby Grover Cleveland High School, surprised his circle of friends when he revealed he was going to give Raid Shadow Legends a hit last weekend.

“When Dennis said he was going to try to fuck Raid: Legends of Shadow, I thought he was kidding us,” said Anna Beltran, a friend of Walker. “Like oh, he’s gonna make it a fun post or something. But no, I guess he just heard one too, streamers doing paid ads for the stuff and finally gave in. Hey, it happens to the best of us. One time I got so drunk I enrolled in the University of Phoenix.

It’s not just Walker’s circle of friends who have drawn attention to his upload, as he’s been harassed by journalists ever since he made the decision to play the game.

“Why is everyone making so much of it? he asked members of the game media gathered earlier in the day outside his parents’ house. “I just thought I’d give the game a chance after seeing it before about three-quarters of every YouTube video I’ve watched in the last few years. It doesn’t look like anything special, really. I’m sure I don’t won’t pay anything in the game I’ll tell you right now I’ll probably check it out and then just play the new one rocket league mobile game some more. This thing is fucked.

As of press time, Plarium Games has announced the development of a sequel to the game, titled Raid: Shadow Legends 2: Please Play This One Too, Dennis Walker.

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